Here I sit, taking a breather, from the very hectic, hair pulling, high stress day. It seems that no matter how much laundry I do, I cannot keep up. No matter how many dishes I do, I cannot keep up. No matter how much I try to please my two children, I cannot keep up. I wash the floors twice a day, but still...can not keep UP!
The next four weeks are a huge, daunting mountain, standing before me, casting a shadow. I am ever grateful for what is to come, but terrified of the amount of work.
In the next four weeks I must go through baby stuff, as we are quite happily done at two, and I am going to sell it at a local "Bye Bye Baby Stuff" sale. Yay! So glad to have the chance to sell it, instead of give it away! It all cost so much, and used for so little time, that some return (other than baby use) will be made!
Right now, my Ellis is on the deck, playing in the mild, sunny winter's day...and little Jenner...ten months old, is walking around like he's been doing it for a long time...he stands at the window, waving and cooing and screaming at Ellis out of sheer excitement.
It's nice, considering how this day has been going, to have a break...where everyone is happy, doing their own thing.
Now, I got sidetracked a little...my list. My giant, never-ending, scary, once-was-little list.
I need to start packing. Like, yesterday...even thought our current place is small...it is jam packed full of STUFF. Ugh. Stuff. Some will be sold, some will be donated, and the rest will come to our new home. Our new home. That feels so good to say. Our first, real, grown up home. Where our children will flourish and grow. Where I will have a room....a beautiful master bedroom without a crib, and WITH a husband. My man will sleep WITH me, where he should be...instead of with Ellis or on the couch. (He can't sleep in the same room as Jenner, they both wake up)
We will have five bedrooms...so even when daddy comes home from working nights, he can go downstairs, to a quiet room...or even stay in our own room, and I can play with the boys in the kitchen, then downstairs, so he can sleep in peace.
I will have kitchen...where the carpet of my living room will not be spattered with chunks of food that Sir Jenner is casually tossing around. It will all remain in the kitchen!
My living room...once the boys are a little older will be transformed into a wonderful, adult place where I will sip tea with my family and friends...or drink wine. Which ever, it doesn't matter! On my feature wall, I will have two comfy, beautiful chairs framed with a beautiful picture on the wall, a small table between them...perhaps a lamp. I can not wait. Can. Not. But have to.
My bedroom will become a sanctuary, where Jesse and I will have conversations, morning kisses, late night snuggles...and just time. to. be. together.
The boys' rooms will be comfy, casual and playful. They will spend hours upon hour playing, sleeping, reading, jumping, running, squealing...and being little boys! I have material picked out for Roman blinds that hopefully my sister will make for me. I have paint colours picked out. I am just so excited to make them each their own little room, that suits them as individuals...that will help them grow and evolve.
Our basement will have, which I have seen a number of times now, a playroom under the stairs...I am going to paint it bright green and blue, put the foam squares on the floor and also put some chalkboard paint on the wall. It is going to be a place where they, with their friends and cousins can go crazy, scream, run, play...do whatever...it will be the kid cave.
Then, Jesse will have his area, the big screen tv, the leather couches, the poker area...what ever he dreams up, I don't care...I just want him to have his own place! (That he can share with us, of course!)
Now, the other thing I am dealing with, is my baby, walking around...holy smokes! Two kids, just in the way when I need to get stuff done! HA! Of course they are not in my way...but you know what I mean...so I have to save organizing for nap time...the time I would love to crash! But I most likely won't. I need to get boxes, organize things, wrap them up, pack them up, store them somewhere, decide what to keep, what to donate...my mind is spinning. Spinning, spinning, throbbing...clouding over! Maybe I am overwhelmed!?
And the other thing I am dealing with...is a diet...why, at this point in time would I choose to add yet another stress?? Maybe so I learn that high stress doesn't mean I need to snack...or whatever. I usually eat as I am feeding the boys...and I feed them very healthy foods. But, this diet that I am on, sees these foods as bad. I see them as nourishing, tasty, lovely foods.
I am not a junk food addict. I am a milk addict. Seriously. Milk. It's ridiculously delicious. And that does not help me lose weight. So, I read the Four Hour Body, and am doing the slow-carb diet, where you can lose up to twenty pounds in four weeks, just by omitting dairy, fruits, and white foods (i.e. pasta, rice, potatoes, etc.) And you must increase vegetables, water, legumes...and eat organically where ever possible.
This is all fine and dandy. But today, I feel as though I am missing something...my head is not clear at all. I have already had so many typos in this blog. So now I am thinking, is this realy for me, at this time? Or should I wait until all of the stress is gone...or should I do a combination, and just lower my intake of dairy and pasta...but still allow myself a little.
And once I am in town, I will be, WILL BE, getting a membership and working out. Three times a week is all I need.
I just want to feel normal, while all of this abnormal stuff is going on. Our little world is going to be turned upside down for then next month and a half...Ellis, who is very territorial, will be missing his things. And these things will be in boxes, some to be taken to the new house, others not. I will be dealing with a little man who will be asking about his stuff...over and over, because this child, does NOT forget.
So...today is a very confusing day...I feel completely overwhelmed and stressed...and cloudy. I really am feeling cloudy.
Perhaps I will trek on with this diet...which, by the way, I am not a yo-yo dieter. I have never tried a diet...I have worked out and seen results. And I know that THAT is the way to do it. And I will do that...once we live five minutes from the gym.
Well...it is nap time. The boys are grouchy...I need to go tend to them. Then call a friend. I need to know that IF i decide to continue my NORMAL healthy eating, or stay on this diet, which I really think will work...I need to know if I am making excuses, or being lazy...and I know exactly which friend to call. Leanne...have your phone ready, and you ears open!
Please...let me know if you have struggled with this...which as a mother, I know you have at some point.
(If this blog is not making sense, I really do apologize...I really am foggy, kind of confused feeling!?)
Oh Randi!
ReplyDeleteThat foggy head is not fun. I feel for you.
You can do this - if you choose to continue the eating plan right now, that's up to you - if you want encouragement to stick with it I can help, if not, that's okay too.
As for packing the house? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
Start with just your decorating stuff, the things you don't use everyday.
One room at a time, one box at a time.
Label, label, label. Have a good black marker to do this.
Know that it's okay to cry.
It's okay to feel overwhelmed. Moving is overwhelming.
And keep talking. :)