Just a dream of someone's yearning for something new...that little twitch in the heart that tells you now is the time for change.
We are built by the hands of some higher power, someone watching over, carefully, so that we are constructed just the way we are meant to be. Our blue prints drawn out by our parents, we are masterfully manipulated in to the tiny little person who will carry our soul and spirit over this earth. And over 40 weeks, clenched in the tender grips of our mother's womb, we are protected, fed, nourished and loved until we make our first appearance, our first breath, our first hug, our first gaze into another's eyes. And from that moment on, we grow. We learn. We change. We evolve in so many ways...physically, emotionally, mentally. We grasp at the good and try to let go of the bad. We try to hold true to what has been instilled in us by our parents. We try to rationalize everything.
I am seeing this in my boys. Each as his own individual. Jenner, wandering around after his brother, but not a follower in the least. He is full of determination...the kind that all small children have. He exudes it in grunts and smiles. He is always taunting Ellis...grabbing at any and every toy Ellis places his hands on. Then they both squawk and squeal and get angry with one another. No matter what, one is crying in the end. We try to explain to both the importance of sharing, and try to interest them in other toys. But then the fight is on again...
Ellis, like every other two year old out there...he is adorable, compassionate, sweet, endearing, then show's you his "crazy eyes" and turns into a little rat. He will brush right up against Jenner, almost knocking him over. This is beyond frustrating. But this is how kids are. You take the good with the not so good. So, time outs are what we use. We take toys away. We show him the consequences when he is bad. Praise him when he is good.
He is also at the age where he is quite capable of doing certain things himself, but insists we do them. Like "I need Puppy. Go get him!" I say, you can go to your room and get him Ellis and he shrieks back "Nooooo, you need to go get him! I can't!"
Our days are filled with so much love and laughter, but among all that there are tantrums, there are moments where my nerves are all twitching...and among all the tantrums and twitching nerves are moments where I need to remind myself that I AM THE ADULT. They are the children. I gather my thoughts, direct my negative energy in to cleaning, and I talk to my kids. I try to explain to them how this is going to work. It is not fun to fight all the time. There has to be happy times. We can share toys, we can run and play, we can read books, and if we are tired and grouchy then we can nap.
When I think about life, nine years ago...it was so different. I had just ended a bad relationship...bad all around. I moved to Calgary. And that same day, Jesse had moved to Calgary. Both of us were basically running from what our lives were. And we happened to run right in to each other. We met. We spent every day together after that. And have been together ever since. We did the whole jump-in-with-both-feet thing, we didn't care about anything else, just spending time with each other. It was all so new. So exciting...so freeing. We moved in with each after about a month of knowing each other. It doesn't work for everyone, but it was in our cards, and it worked for us.
In the last nine years we have grown. My, how we have grown. Together we have created a life that we knew we always wanted. It was like building a spider web. We started on the outside, working our way in, joining each aspect of our then separate lives together, and forming them in to one. We had to work around obstacles, sometimes change paths, but in the end what we have made is beautiful.
And it has stood up against winds and storms.
Everything is as it should be.
Everything is in it's place.
From this point on, there is nothing to do but go forward, together, as one unit. We will all grow, age, change, and live in each other's lives for as long as we are allowed. And in the time granted, I hope that we can flourish and spend as much time with our loved ones as possible. I hope to have all of the amazing people that have surrounded each of us in our lifetime, surround each of our children in the same way.
I hope that we can weather it all together, like an old farm building in the country, on a hillside, still standing after years and years of pounding rain, blistering winds, harsh cold and soothing sunshine. Sturdy. Strong.
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