these are a few of my favourite things ♫♬♫

I like stuff. I like a LOT of stuff. Not material things, not stuff like that...I just like things that make me feel a little twinge of happy.







You know...like coffee in the morning. Coffee has become one of my closest friends. Melitta, whole bean, 100% Columbian, medium roasted coffee. Freshly ground beans, engulfed in just-boiled water, swimming and swirling around inside my french press. Filling the air with that wonderful aroma...patiently waiting in my mug is the perfect amount of Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer.
Delish. Satisfying. Heart-warming...it helps me spill out words, typing away on my Mac. I could drink it all day...but only have two cups at most. Otherwise I am vibrating like crazy!!

June 22, 2007

Then there is Jesse.


My husband, best friend. We met 9 years ago in Calgary and have been together since that moment. I love the smell that fills the room when he gets out of the shower...the combination of his shave cream, soap, lotion...I don't know what it is, but the mixture creates pure bliss. I tease him, and tell him his aftershave is cheesy. But I kid, I love it. I love to tease him and he loves to tease me. He will dance in front of me and just be crazy. Its my favourite Jesse. Aside from when he is holding the boys, talking to the adoringly. 


HE is just my favourite. 


And yes, we nitpick, argue, the usual. But what I love, love, love is that most (not all) but most times we can laugh at ourselves afterwards. And that laughter resolves whatever little thing it was that made us argue in the first place. And then we just be.

The river. 

I love the river that our farm is nestled by. 

It is the North Saskatchewan and it is magnificent. 

I spent hours, upon hours down there. 

As a child, as a teen and as an adult.

I would walk down there with our old dog and just sit. It was my happy place. Not that I had anything to run from...its just one of my all time favourite places on this planet.

Many friends have gathered there. We have had fishing derbies and camp fires. 

It is a place of beauty. 

It's a final resting place for one of my closest friends. 

My Uncle Barry. 

We spread his ashes there...over thirty of us. Walking along the sandy beach on a beautiful day. Alone I strolled, following my cousin Stacey, who was arm in arm with my Grandma Clara. I remember missing him so badly in that moment. I remember watching our whole family, spread out, some in groups, some alone. And yearning for him to come back. But also, letting go at the same time. As I was saying my goodbyes, and thinking of all the great memories, I could hear my Grandma saying a blessing, in Cree.  I remember feeling his ashes in my hand...so silky, soft...light and airy. Alone I walked, listening to Grandma...and a few others had come closer to walk with her, to listen to her words. My mom held her other arm. My aunts all came nearer. It was beautiful. Such strength. Such weakness. We were all so sad. He passed away from Cancer. The whole family was and still is heart-broken. Our family has had many losses. Many tragic ones. But we are still so strong, so tightly knit, that nothing will break us.

And this...this beautiful woman is Grandma Clara. I couldn't put in to words how much this woman means to me. To our entire family. She is the one we gather around. I am so unbelievably grateful that my babies have been in her arms. That she has held their little hands and said "These hands are going to do a lot of work."

She. Is. Amazing.

She is everything a Cree woman should be.

Beautiful.

Strong.

Forgiving.

Proud.

She has had many losses in her life. Many successes. And many babies in her arms. I have sat out on the porch with her, wrapped in blankets on a warm summer's evening, drinking tea and talking about the old days. She is so funny, loves to play cards, and will often change the rules to suit herself...and then tell you that YOU are changing the rules when you catch her cheating!

Ellis, just the other day, comes walking towards me taking these small, little, shuffling-along-steps, and I said, "Ellis, what are you doing?"

He said "I walking! Just like Gaga Killa!"

Gaga Killa. I love her. 

I love sunsets. 

I love the fact that they are always a beautiful ending to a long day. Sometimes a great day, sometimes and exhausting day...but somehow, a sunset is always perfect. And that day is better!

Lastly, but certainly not least. 

My boys. My babies.

I heart them. Everything about them.

I love their giggles. Cries. Everything.

The following is a succession of a mere few of the many pictures I have taken. These are some of my favourites...

Ellis and his sweet shoulder and cheek

Ellis and his chubby little arm dimply hands

Ellis, so gangster

Ellis and his little toque that made me giggle

Jesse and Ellis deep in conversation

Beautiful Jenner, napping on our bed

Jenner and his perfect skin, little rolls and tiny teeth

My sweet, green-eyed baby

these small faces

Its pretty amazing how looking into the eyes of children can make your heart melt. It lifts the spirit. It reminds you that we once were that way...so fearless, expressive and open to learning as much as we possibly could in that moment.

Ellis, June 2009, 9 months, cuddling Daddy, his favourite place to be.

We are blessed to have children. And they, too, should be blessed to have us. They chose us as their parents, there friends.

I have learned so much from my kids. How to be free, free of burdens, free of shame...I don't always put that into practice. And I should try. 

We all know that life isn't roses and butterflies, but when we, as parents are stressed out and ready for a break, we don't need to expose that to our children. I do it though...and I feel awful afterwards. My husband and I are trying so hard to keep life simple for our kids. To keep it playful. Fun. We don't want to burden our boys with the stress we carry. Money. Work. Exhaustion. 

This is life. This is life with kids. Its hard work, but its rewarding work. Especially at the end of the day, when we all have full bellies and happy hearts. And we cuddle. 

This is rare. Our boys are busy, busy, and busier. So to actually have them come to us for snuggles is great. Its so sweet to have Ellis wrap his little arms around our necks, nuzzle in, then take a moment to pull his fuzzy little head back, pucker his lips and give us the most tender, heart-felt little kiss.

There is so much power in that child. He's been places. He's going places.

Jenner, October 2010, 6 months, snuggled against me in the Bjorn

Now Jenner, if he isn't chasing you around, crawling at your feet, stumbling along the couch to get to you then he is off by himslef playing, playing, playing. He squeaks, squawks and grunts in approval. He blows spit bubbles and fake coughs and says "Mom mom mom"
If he doesn't get your attention by making kissy noises then he will yell at the top of his lungs! And the second you look...he gets the most sweetest, angelic...yet very devilish little grin.
He is a monkey. He's more outgoing than Ellis was at his age. Just yesterday he stood up at the oven (which was not on) and he pulled on the handle, about to swing from it like it was monkey bars, and the door came open. Down, down, down he went. The look of shock....priceless! He looked at me, waited for my reaction, then did the fake cry. It scared him, I know. But he is so controlled, that he didn't fall, he just sat. 
This is Jenner. He wants a reaction, as most babies do. But if Ellis so much as brushes against him, he will look at me and fake cry.
Oh he makes me laugh. He is so frustrated all the time. He tries to be like his big brother.
Under the table they play. And Jenner poises himself, one leg up, hands on the bench, and up he goes....BONK! Head hits the table. Down he sits...yells...and up he goes again....BONK!
Its ridiculous. Its funny. And I know I shouldn't laugh, but I do. And he will keep doing it until I go retrieve him. This is learning Jenner baby! It sucks sometimes!

Sweet Josie Mariah, Summer 2010, almost four (going on 30)

I should tell him what his cousin Josie tells him! "Jennuh....this is a NO GO ZONE, ok? You can't go here. No....Go....Zone." Ahh, Josie. My sister's girl. One of her two girls. She is a sweetheart...she is sensitive, intelligent and....amazing. Her eyes tell more stories than any other four year old I've met. She sings, she dances...she entertains all she meets. Her voice is high and squeaky, her hair is wild and curly...and her heart is open for all to love. She is a free spirit. She wrinkles her little nose when she sees you after a few days of not...she says so exhuberantly "MOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE, baby Jennuh is here!!! And Ellllliiiiiis!!" 


One day, she was dressed in her princess dress...no, not one day....every day. But this day, in particular, she was out at the farm. And in the spare room, with the door closed, she was in her dress. Wearing her paper crown (which she made for herself, one for Ellis and one for Halle) Down the hall I could hear Ellis...squealing...but not so much a happy squeal as a somebody-get-me-out-of-here-squeal! So I walked down the hallway...opened the door to see Ellis, his face red, his mouth open and his eyes looking at me as though they were begging to be saved! And Josie...Princess Josie...no sorry...she was Ariel.
So Ariel says to me "Clooooose the door!!" I said "Why? What are you doing!?"
Ariel exclaims, in a saddened, high pitched little voice, "I'm trying to get Prince Eric to marry me...and he won't let me!!"
Oh Josie. I mean Ariel...you are so sweet and funny and precious. She was bent over him, trying so hard to kiss him. You see, they were standing at the alter...and I guess Eric wouldn't say his vows or kiss her or do every thing she was telling him to do.
She should be a director. Or an actor, a teacher....anything that puts her in the driver's seat!

Halle, summer 2010, 1 1/2 years. Picking berries with Papa

And now there is Halle.


 My Hallster. She is sheer awesomeness at it's best. She is the absolute most determined little soul I have ever encountered in all my years. Bar NONE.
She has this walk...no...this stomp...or swagger. She is gangster! Tough little peanut. She is outspoken, ballsy and yet so unbelievably cuddly.


She has melted the hearts of the most hardened (but not really hardened...more like pretending to be hardened) men out there. Her Papa, my dad, is her most favourite guy...she sees him and will drop what ever she is doing and run towards him...butt poking out, chest sticking out...little body waddling back and forth as her tiny little, but kinda chubby frame makes her way to be scooped up by Papa. He always says in a a playful, goofy voice "Hiiii baby!" And she gets held by him...he props her up on his arms and she bounces around and pulls at his face and kisses him and hugs and hugs and hugs. And then, she's done. Down she goes. Onto the floor...with the sort of Bill Cosby, sense of accomplishment strut. No SWAGGER. Do you remember how Bill Cosby would dance with his butt and chest out, his arms up to his side almost like a T-rex? THAT is Halle. Only smaller. TINIER.
She is like a bullet. Small, sleek...you wouldn't notice it until it went off...then BOOM there she is! There is Hallster! She'll leave a mark on ya!


And once you have all of these kids together, you better be prepared for a work out! Your face will be stiff from laughing and smiling...your heart will be bursting with so much love and adoration and you will be so thankful that their big cousin Addy is there. She is the ring-leader. Well, no, she kinda wishes she was the ring leader. But there's no leading these crazy little animals...nope. They are a herd all on their own. Like wild horses.

Addysen, summer 2010, oh-so-close to 6, excited to run into us at the outdoor waterpark

But Addy...beautiful Addy...goofball Addy, does her best to round them up. And above all their yelling, giggling and squealing you can hear Addy, in absolute shock, "Did you guys feed these kids sugar for breakfast? Or what!?"
Addy and Ellis were born on the same day. I remember phoning my brother to tell him and his wife that I was pregnant. Lee answered and I said "Can I talk to Addysen please?" he said "Uhh, ya...sure" She got on the phone...only a little over three years old, and said "Haaaaallo!?" I asked her if she would like to share her birthday, as my due date was only a couple days off of it. And she thought about...actually, really thought about it, and said "Um, ya...I think that would be ok!" And I said "Great!! Because Aunty is having a baby!!" And that was it...my ear was almost bleeding because she screamed into the phone with so much excitement I could feel it through the phone line! She dropped the phone, and I heard her scuffle and jump about. Lee picked up the phone and said "What did you just tell her?" So I told him and he was excited.
See, Addy was the first grandbaby in our family. She was so excited to hear that Aunty Rikki was pregnant with Josie. Then a couple years later, it was a baby boom...Rikki and I were both pregnant, due four months apart...and now we have Addy, Josie, Ellis, Halle, and Jenner came but a little over a year after Halle.
My family couldn't be more happier, or more perfect. And now that we all live in the same area again, you can bet that there will be many, many, many suppers, birthdays, holidays and just nights to hang out and listen to our children play and laugh.
I just don't know how long our hearing will last!
But, its all worth it when you look into their sweet little faces!

Ahhhhhh! This is the meaning of life. 

There. Now you can stop searching!

Christmas 2010, "Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!"

morning glory

Ahhh, mornings.
Why do you come so early? I would consider myself a morning person...not necessarily by choice, but because my pregnancies...which were sleepless, and my children who are early risers have taught me to do so.
When I was young, we were one of the first group of kids to be picked up on the bus and the last to be dropped off from school. Mornings have always been early for me. I always think "I wish I could sleep in!" but I rarely do, if given the chance.

Why would I want to sleep in? Why would I want to miss the puffy little just-woke-up-faces of my boys? Their absolute, tummy-tickling excitement of a new day. A new day to play, giggle, run. 
A new day.
Where nothing matters from the day before.
I always recap my boys' day with them both at bedtime and the following morning. 
At bedtime I like to talk about all the fun, great things we did. How we played and laughed. How Jenner made a funny noise, that only a nine month old bouncing baby boy could make. How Buzz Lightyear saved Thomas the Tank when he crashed going to down the big hill after his brakes gave out.
Ellis loves it. He loves talking about his day...and once he feels that we have remember every special moment, he starts telling me who is going "night night".
He says "Baby Jenner go night night, Daddy go night night, Papa G and SueSue go night night" (these are his grandparents in Thunder Bay...who yearn for the chance to kiss him goodnight, or read him books....or go "underwater" aka under his blanket on his big bed)
He will list almost every person he knows, and as he goes on and on, his sweet little voices gets softer, and softer. His amazing blue eyes start to blink and fight to stay open...oh Ellis. You are a special little guy.


We should learn from our beloved little children. These new, young, free-spirited souls.
We should practice what they do...every morning we should wake up with the excitment of a new day...talk about the greatness of the day before. Forget the negativity. Forget the tears. Just live for this day, because as my mother-in-law says...All we have is THIS moment.
Make the best of it.
Why do we think of the stresses of yesterday, and the previous day? Of a relationship gone bad? Of something that someone may have said?
Why don't we think of how great it was to have coffee with a friend. Or how great it was so accomplish three loads of laundry, and not think "There's four more loads of laundry on my floor".
You never see a depressed two year old. They could care less about the negativity from the day before.
They have overcome the sadness from when they had to share their favourite toy. They have overcome the time-out from not playing nice. They have overcome bedtime. Oh dreaded bedtime...how could we, as parents, force them to end their day of play?
Let's learn from them. Let's overcome our ailments, our stresses. Let's let go. Let's think of the new day, of what's to come...of the great accomplishments we will have. Let's revel in every moment the way our little babies do.
Let's be excited for the day...
As I type, Ellis is talking from the other side of his bedroom door, "Mommy...opee doh..." (open door) he is singing my name. I could sit here and listen for hours...he's making my day. He is singing "I'm gonna see mommeeeee....I'm going to sing the ladybug song...the laaaa-deeeeee bug sooooooooooo (big breath) oooooooooong!!"


Adorable. Sweet. Ellis.


And my little Jenner has been up for two hours, walking around furniture, taking oversized, sideways steps as he moves around the perimeter of the room.

I must go opee da doh.


Have a great day!

the mother of all jobs

We have the greatest, most wonderful, most exhausting, most precious, most time consuming, most amazing, most draining, most fulfilling, most empowering, most mind boggling, most heart-bursting job out there!

Our hours are complicated, our eyes are puffy, our hearts are warm, our minds are confused most days, our arms are full of children, laundry, dishes and toys. As exhausted and sleepless and sometimes begging for a free day, we will never regret, resent, take back or wish that we never had our children.

We are Work At Home Mom's...whittling away at all hours, trying to mold the best little person we can so that some day, they too will be awake holding their precious children, the way you've held them, ever pressing forward through sleepless nights and even longer days, gazing into the eyes of the most beautiful little soul, wondering how you have created such beauty...

And as we sit, hair in a pony tail, draped in loose shirts and yoga pants, eyes dark with bags, we watch our children play their hardest, putting their best effort in to amusing us...waking each day and forgetting the hardships of the day before.

They are wonderful and oh so trying.

And in a flash, they are grown, gone from our arms, only to return at their own will. No longer will we be able to scoop them up and place them on our hip, tickle their sweet little faces with that unbelievably smooth skin.

They would think we were crazy if we came in to their room and rocked them to sleep.

And after all our sleepless nights in the past....oh what we will give to have them back again someday!

the sprouts of my grandparent's roots

My first blog. I have been talking about doing it for years. Literally. Not sure why, but held out until now....because now feels right. It feels as though at this time in my life I have more to say. And if you know me...you know I have a lot to say. I am a lot like my grandmother. Grandma Lil. The mothership of grannies. She is the spunkiest 90 year old woman I have ever met. I hope to be like her. So full of life and fire!

Let me back track a little. 
A few years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, I wrote a weekly column in our local newspaper. I called it Belly Monologues, and it was a way I could creatively put out to the world (or our town) what I was feeling. What I was going through...what creating another human being was like.
I wanted people to know that I was building a human.
And people knew it. I had readers...I had people come up to me and tell me they loved my column...or that I said too much about certain things regarding pregnancies. The editor had to change a few things here and there, but in my eyes, it wasn't that bad. I like to share. Nope, I LOVE to share! 
We teach our kids to share. It's the right thing to to do. We teach them to share toys. And when we grow older we share our thoughts, our feelings...our love.
When our child's little friend is sitting there crying, we tell our child to go give them a hug, or a toy. We teach them to reach out.
And that is what I am doing now.
And that is what my Grandma Lil does.
She reaches out. She loves to talk. She asks you questions and rarely gives you the chance to answer, because she is telling you some story of someone from somewhere who had a thing. But the point is...through all her talking...she takes the time to stop you in the mall and say "Hello love", in her worn out English accent, and she will reach out. She will hold your arm and always offer a hug. And tell you that she has to go because " 'Arold" is waiting for her. ('Arold being Harold....her loving and adoring husband of 65 plus years)

They met on a blind date before WWII and have been together since. See? She reached out to him! She wasn't going to go on the date, she was embarrassed, but she decided she better...and she reached out to him. They have had an amazing life together. And I love them dearly.


My Grandparents have been my neighbors my whole life...and now my children's' lives thus far. I remember being a small girl playing out in the yard with my sister...and down the hill we could see Grandma in her yard...waving her arms to say hello, then yelling across the corrals to us. And we would yell back so loud our throats would hurt, and Grandma would keep yelling back, asking us what we were doing, were we having fun, could we send dad down to help her out.
We helped Grandpa in the corrals, along with dad and my two brothers...herding cattle this way and that, then back the other way because the gate was shut or the good ol' farm dog Jake chased them the wrong way.

Ahhh, so many good memories. I love the farm. I love Saskatchewan. I feel blessed to be able to give my kids the same upbringing I had...well, very close to, anyways!

I am thankful that my kids have been held, kissed, coddled, spoiled and extremely loved by my grandparents. I am so thankful.
My Grandpa, the Soldier. My Grandma, The War Bride.


They have taught me so much about life. And have given me so much insight. I am excited to pass it on to my babies. So that they too, will be firmly planted, with these strong roots.