a wack of a good week!

I still haven't started packing. But I have a really good excuse. It's my family's fault. We get possession in nine days! I still haven't settled on my paint choices, but have it narrowed down...I might as well blame them for that too! We have been having so much fun this week that I haven't just started packing, and decided on paint. Oh well!


I'm not feeling anxious about all of the work anymore, so thats good, I am just looking forward to moving in, settling in...and having family come over.


Our first gathering will be Jenner's first birthday, and I am so thrilled about it! I have a friend of my brother's who is going to bake Jenner's cake. (This is a huge deal if you know me...I love to do the cakes myself, from scratch, using my mom's recipe...but, I won't have time, so I am letting Dani work her magic!!)
The second, will be Easter. And if you are my family reading this...then here is your invite. Come to our home for Easter.


We've been so busy lately, Jesse has been working nights for a few weeks now, we've been visiting friends, and I purged out the baby stuff! Most of it sold, and the rest was donated! Big sigh of relief!

the morning of dad's birthday

we took the boys out on the sleigh

two cuties

jenner watching daddy

big brother pulling baby brother

mmmm, wiener roast on a beautiful winter's day

proud of their snow man

ellis and i made st. patty's day cupcakes

after all of the weeks' activities, it was necessary to fall asleep on daddy for an hour

This past week, we've had three birthdays we celebrated: Jesse's, dad's, and Grandma Clara's 90th! The weather has been a touch nicer...so we've been getting some fresh air, playing in the snow, all of the things we haven't been able to do because of the cold weather!


For Jesse we went out to Boston Pizza with our immediate family, usually, we have a big supper at home and I bake a cake, but somewhere amid the business of doing I-don't-know-what and Jesse working nights, I just didn't get it done. Next best thing...a restaurant. No cooking, no cleaning but we still had great company! Next year will be different handsome husband, I promise!


Dad's day was a great one...my sister came out with her family and we were outside enjoying the sun for a couple hours. We almost had to kibosh the wiener roast...as dad and my brother-in-law FAILED miserably at starting a fire...and once I saw the gas can come out...I took matters in to my own half-breed hands and started a nice little blaze in the other fire pit. Success. Wieners, marshmallows, hot chocolate, giggling children, and SUNSHINE made it an even greater success!


I spent the next couple days going through that baby stuff, sorting, organizing then selling and donating. I made a good enough amount to head to the city and spoil myself and the boys, and I bought all new dishes for the house! I went with a girlfriend of mine, with out children, and it was marvelous! We needed that...we had countless conversations where the only interruptions were our ridiculous laughter, cackles, snorts, etc. So fun. We felt so awesome, we hit the mall, went and ate, then headed to Ikea. We had our agenda, we stuck with it, and we got everything we wanted and more!


The day before that was Grandma's birthday, and it was such a good time...so many kids, so much family...mom's house was overflowing with the sounds of laughter, catching up, squealing from the kids and of course the amazingly delicious smell of the food...oh the food. Food is such a big deal at our family gatherings....it. was. a. feast.


I'm still full.


Although there was only a handful of us there compared to the usual family gatherings, Grandma was still so pleased. She was surrounded by most of her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and one great-great came. She is so lucky. She tells us that she is so rich because of all of the little people she has been blessed with in her life!


I see what she means.


All I can do is look back at this week and think how lucky I am to have such an incredible family. We rule. No really...we do. In a big way. 

coming of age

In the beginning, we are all just a thought. 


Just a dream of someone's yearning for something new...that little twitch in the heart that tells you now is the time for change.


We are built by the hands of some higher power, someone watching over, carefully, so that we are constructed just the way we are meant to be. Our blue prints drawn out by our parents, we are masterfully manipulated in to the tiny little person who will carry our soul and spirit over this earth. And over 40 weeks, clenched in the tender grips of our mother's womb, we are protected, fed, nourished and loved until we make our first appearance, our first breath, our first hug, our first gaze into another's eyes. And from that moment on, we grow. We learn. We change. We evolve in so many ways...physically, emotionally, mentally. We grasp at the good and try to let go of the bad. We try to hold true to what has been instilled in us by our parents. We try to rationalize everything. 


I am seeing this in my boys. Each as his own individual. Jenner, wandering around after his brother, but not a follower in the least. He is full of determination...the kind that all small children have. He exudes it in grunts and smiles. He is always taunting Ellis...grabbing at any and every toy Ellis places his hands on. Then they both squawk and squeal and get angry with one another. No matter what, one is crying in the end. We try to explain to both the importance of sharing, and try to interest them in other toys. But then the fight is on again...


Ellis, like every other two year old out there...he is adorable, compassionate, sweet, endearing, then show's you his "crazy eyes" and turns into a little rat. He will brush right up against Jenner, almost knocking him over. This is beyond frustrating. But this is how kids are. You take the good with the not so good. So, time outs are what we use. We take toys away. We show him the consequences when he is bad. Praise him when he is good.
He is also at the age where he is quite capable of doing certain things himself, but insists we do them. Like "I need Puppy. Go get him!" I say, you can go to your room and get him Ellis and he shrieks back "Nooooo, you need to go get him! I can't!" 


Our days are filled with so much love and laughter, but among all that there are tantrums, there are moments where my nerves are all twitching...and among all the tantrums and twitching nerves are moments where I need to remind myself that I AM THE ADULT. They are the children. I gather my thoughts, direct my negative energy in to cleaning, and I talk to my kids. I try to explain to them how this is going to work. It is not fun to fight all the time. There has to be happy times. We can share toys, we can run and play, we can read books, and if we are tired and grouchy then we can nap. 


When I think about life, nine years ago...it was so different. I had just ended a bad relationship...bad all around. I moved to Calgary. And that same day, Jesse had moved to Calgary. Both of us were basically running from what our lives were. And we happened to run right in to each other. We met. We spent every day together after that. And have been together ever since. We did the whole jump-in-with-both-feet thing, we didn't care about anything else, just spending time with each other. It was all so new. So exciting...so freeing. We moved in with each after about a month of knowing each other. It doesn't work for everyone, but it was in our cards, and it worked for us.





In the last nine years we have grown. My, how we have grown. Together we have created a life that we knew we always wanted. It was like building a spider web. We started on the outside, working our way in, joining each aspect of our then separate lives together, and forming them in to one. We had to work around obstacles, sometimes change paths, but in the end what we have made is beautiful. 
And it has stood up against winds and storms. 

We have an incredible support system, our family, our trees and branches that have guided us to take shape in the way we have. We have grown in ways I never thought I could. My heart throbs with love when I look into the eyes of Jesse and my boys. How incredible it is to see the little faces we have created. Jesse and I perfectly divided in to their looks...it makes us both grin to see. What an amazing addition to our life together. Everything is perfect. 




Everything is as it should be. 
Everything is in it's place. 




From this point on, there is nothing to do but go forward, together, as one unit. We will all grow, age, change, and live in each other's lives for as long as we are allowed. And in the time granted, I hope that we can flourish and spend as much time with our loved ones as possible. I hope to have all of the amazing people that have surrounded each of us in our lifetime, surround each of our children in the same way. 


I hope that we can weather it all together, like an old farm building in the country, on a hillside, still standing after years and years of pounding rain, blistering winds, harsh cold and soothing sunshine. Sturdy. Strong. 

pass it on!

OK, OK...perhaps I was a little harsh on myself in the last post...I wasn't hoping to seem that way, but I did!


I received a handful of messages and phone calls about it...and you all made me feel very good.


My beautiful friend Jules sent me a very sweet message this morning and I have been on cloud nine ever since...you really know how to make a girl feel special! And I have to share it...because I feel that all women should read what she said to me, so here it is!


"I'm not saying this just to be nice. You are one of the most stunning, naturally beautiul, perfectly shaped women that I know! I hate diets because they take the focus off lifestyle, and become something else.. something hard on self esteem. Eating healthy should be about eating good food. Wholesome, delicious, "doesn't taste like I'm on a diet" food. It hurts to hear a friend being hard on themselves. You do not deserve that! 
In the last year, I've been trying to cook things that are new to my tastebuds, and I always find.. friends are the best people to ask about recipes and food! (A good friend) told me about a great blog called Dinner With Julie (and she's a Calgarian!!! No wonder I like her!). She's fantastic, hilarious, and makes a lot of no-fuss, great tasting, wholesome meals.. shares the recipes and the most mouthwatering pictures!
I recently tried this one.. and since you mentioned the "no white stuff".. I thought you might want to add it to your supper table one night. This came out of the crockpot, and I ate it for a week!

PS Love your blog. I think you should write a book, and then someone will make a movie.. like they did with Julia & Julia!

CrockPot Turkey Chili with Apples

1 each: onion, carrot and celery stalk, chopped
2 cups each: apples, cored and chopped and butternut squash, diced
4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 lb (454 g) ground turkey, cooked
2 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp (15 mL) ground cumin
1 tsp (5 mL) dried oregano
¼ tsp (1 mL) each: salt and freshly ground pepper
1 can (10 fl oz/284 mL) undiluted chicken broth
1 can (400 mL) light coconut milk
2 tbsp (25 mL) tomato paste
1 cup (250 mL) canned black beans, drained and rinsed
cilantro, for garnish (optional)

Combine everything in your CrockPot and cook on low for 6-8 hours. Garnish with fresh cilantro, if you like."

I love her...she is wonderful for saying this, for sharing the website, and for reminding of my own beauty....which I sometimes forget about...like most stay at home moms!

So, now I can move forward...and try new recipes!

Oh, and as for moving...I am proud to say that I have one box packed. HA! That's one more box packed than yesterday! I have also gone through my baby stuff and have two boxes set aside, ready to be sold in a "Bye Bye Baby Stuff" sale next Thursday! I can not wait!

I still feel like I am standing in front of a mountain, but at least there's lots of sunshine! And lots of friends standing there with me!

Thanks for the support!


And pass it on! It always helps to share meal ideas with friends...so here's a few of mine...very normal...but still, I'm sharing!

Beef stir-fry (no rice)

Yummy breakfast! Scrambled eggs topped with salsa, steamed asparagus and fresh veggies! 

Lemon pepper pork, steamed carrots, rice, and spinach salad with pecans and mandarine oranges!

Myself...no make-up, bags and all, but still feeling beautiful thanks to amazing friends.

it's all happening...

Here I sit, taking a breather, from the very hectic, hair pulling, high stress day. It seems that no matter how much laundry I do, I cannot keep up. No matter how many dishes I do, I cannot keep up. No matter how much I try to please my two children, I cannot keep up. I wash the floors twice a day, but still...can not keep UP!


The next four weeks are a huge, daunting mountain, standing before me, casting a shadow. I am ever grateful for what is to come, but terrified of the amount of work.
In the next four weeks I must go through baby stuff, as we are quite happily done at two, and I am going to sell it at a local "Bye Bye Baby Stuff" sale. Yay! So glad to have the chance to sell it, instead of give it away! It all cost so much, and used for so little time, that some return (other than baby use) will be made!


Right now, my Ellis is on the deck, playing in the mild, sunny winter's day...and little Jenner...ten months old, is walking around like he's been doing it for a long time...he stands at the window, waving and cooing and screaming at Ellis out of sheer excitement.


It's nice, considering how this day has been going, to have a break...where everyone is happy, doing their own thing.


Now, I got sidetracked a little...my list. My giant, never-ending, scary, once-was-little list. 
I need to start packing. Like, yesterday...even thought our current place is small...it is jam packed full of STUFF. Ugh. Stuff. Some will be sold, some will be donated, and the rest will come to our new home. Our new home. That feels so good to say. Our first, real, grown up home. Where our children will flourish and grow. Where I will have a room....a beautiful master bedroom without a crib, and WITH a husband. My man will sleep WITH me, where he should be...instead of with Ellis or on the couch. (He can't sleep in the same room as Jenner, they both wake up)
We will have five bedrooms...so even when daddy comes home from working nights, he can go downstairs, to a quiet room...or even stay in our own room, and I can play with the boys in the kitchen, then downstairs, so he can sleep in peace.


I will have kitchen...where the carpet of my living room will not be spattered with chunks of food that Sir Jenner is casually tossing around. It will all remain in the kitchen!


My living room...once the boys are a little older will be transformed into a wonderful, adult place where I will sip tea with my family and friends...or drink wine. Which ever, it doesn't matter! On my feature wall, I will have two comfy, beautiful chairs framed with a beautiful picture on the wall, a small table between them...perhaps a lamp. I can not wait. Can. Not. But have to.


My bedroom will become a sanctuary, where Jesse and I will have conversations, morning kisses, late night snuggles...and just time. to. be. together.


The boys' rooms will be comfy, casual and playful. They will spend hours upon hour playing, sleeping, reading, jumping, running, squealing...and being little boys! I have material picked out for Roman blinds that hopefully my sister will make for me. I have paint colours picked out. I am just so excited to make them each their own little room, that suits them as individuals...that will help them grow and evolve. 


Our basement will have, which I have seen a number of times now, a playroom under the stairs...I am going to paint it bright green and blue, put the foam squares on the floor and also put some chalkboard paint on the wall. It is going to be a place where they, with their friends and cousins can go crazy, scream, run, play...do whatever...it will be the kid cave.


Then, Jesse will have his area, the big screen tv, the leather couches, the poker area...what ever he dreams up, I don't care...I just want him to have his own place! (That he can share with us, of course!)


Now, the other thing I am dealing with, is my baby, walking around...holy smokes! Two kids, just in the way when I need to get stuff done! HA! Of course they are not in my way...but you know what I mean...so I have to save organizing for nap time...the time I would love to crash! But I most likely won't. I need to get boxes, organize things, wrap them up, pack them up, store them somewhere, decide what to keep, what to donate...my mind is spinning. Spinning, spinning, throbbing...clouding over! Maybe I am overwhelmed!?


And the other thing I am dealing with...is a diet...why, at this point in time would I choose to add yet another stress?? Maybe so I learn that high stress doesn't mean I need to snack...or whatever. I usually eat as I am feeding the boys...and I feed them very healthy foods. But, this diet that I am on, sees these foods as bad. I see them as nourishing, tasty, lovely foods.


I am not a junk food addict. I am a milk addict. Seriously. Milk. It's ridiculously delicious. And that does not help me lose weight. So, I read the Four Hour Body, and am doing the slow-carb diet, where you can lose up to twenty pounds in four weeks, just by omitting dairy, fruits, and white foods (i.e. pasta, rice, potatoes, etc.) And you must increase vegetables, water, legumes...and eat organically where ever possible.
This is all fine and dandy. But today, I feel as though I am missing something...my head is not clear at all. I have already had so many typos in this blog. So now I am thinking, is this realy for me, at this time? Or should I wait until all of the stress is gone...or should I do a combination, and just lower my intake of dairy and pasta...but still allow myself a little. 
And once I am in town, I will be, WILL BE, getting a membership and working out. Three times a week is all I need.


I just want to feel normal, while all of this abnormal stuff is going on. Our little world is going to be turned upside down for then next month and a half...Ellis, who is very territorial, will be missing his things. And these things will be in boxes, some to be taken to the new house, others not. I will be dealing with a little  man who will be asking about his stuff...over and over, because this child, does NOT forget. 


So...today is a very confusing day...I feel completely overwhelmed and stressed...and cloudy. I really am feeling cloudy. 


Perhaps I will trek on with this diet...which, by the way, I am not a yo-yo dieter. I have never tried a diet...I have worked out and seen results. And I know that THAT is the way to do it. And I will do that...once we live five minutes from the gym.


Well...it is nap time. The boys are grouchy...I need to go tend to them. Then call a friend. I need to know that IF i decide to continue my NORMAL healthy eating, or stay on this diet, which I really think will work...I need to know if I am making excuses, or being lazy...and I know exactly which friend to call. Leanne...have your phone ready, and you ears open!


Please...let me know if you have struggled with this...which as a mother, I know you have at some point.


(If this blog is not making sense, I really do apologize...I really am foggy, kind of confused feeling!?)