mommy monologues: these are a few of my favourite things ♫♬♫

I like stuff. I like a LOT of stuff. Not material things, not stuff like that...I just like things that make me feel a little twinge of happy.

You know...like coffee in the morning. Coffee has become one of my closest friends. Melitta, whole bean, 100% Columbian, medium roasted coffee. Freshly ground beans, engulfed in just-boiled water, swimming and swirling around inside my french press. Filling the air with that wonderful aroma...patiently waiting in my mug is the perfect amount of Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer.
Delish. Satisfying. Heart-warming...it helps me spill out words, typing away on my Mac. I could drink it all day...but only have two cups at most. Otherwise I am vibrating like crazy!!

June 22, 2007

Then there is Jesse.

My husband, best friend. We met 9 years ago in Calgary and have been together since that moment. I love the smell that fills the room when he gets out of the shower...the combination of his shave cream, soap, lotion...I don't know what it is, but the mixture creates pure bliss. I tease him, and tell him his aftershave is cheesy. But I kid, I love it. I love to tease him and he loves to tease me. He will dance in front of me and just be crazy. Its my favourite Jesse. Aside from when he is holding the boys, talking to the adoringly.

HE is just my favourite.

And yes, we nitpick, argue, the usual. But what I love, love, love is that most (not all) but most times we can laugh at ourselves afterwards. And that laughter resolves whatever little thing it was that made us argue in the first place. And then we just be.

The river.

I love the river that our farm is nestled by.

It is the North Saskatchewan and it is magnificent.

I spent hours, upon hours down there.

As a child, as a teen and as an adult.

I would walk down there with our old dog and just sit. It was my happy place. Not that I had anything to run from...its just one of my all time favourite places on this planet.

Many friends have gathered there. We have had fishing derbies and camp fires.

It is a place of beauty.

It's a final resting place for one of my closest friends.

My Uncle Barry.

We spread his ashes there...over thirty of us. Walking along the sandy beach on a beautiful day. Alone I strolled, following my cousin Stacey, who was arm in arm with my Grandma Clara. I remember missing him so badly in that moment. I remember watching our whole family, spread out, some in groups, some alone. And yearning for him to come back. But also, letting go at the same time. As I was saying my goodbyes, and thinking of all the great memories, I could hear my Grandma saying a blessing, in Cree. I remember feeling his ashes in my hand...so silky, soft...light and airy. Alone I walked, listening to Grandma...and a few others had come closer to walk with her, to listen to her words. My mom held her other arm. My aunts all came nearer. It was beautiful. Such strength. Such weakness. We were all so sad. He passed away from Cancer. The whole family was and still is heart-broken. Our family has had many losses. Many tragic ones. But we are still so strong, so tightly knit, that nothing will break us.

And this...this beautiful woman is Grandma Clara. I couldn't put in to words how much this woman means to me. To our entire family. She is the one we gather around. I am so unbelievably grateful that my babies have been in her arms. That she has held their little hands and said "These hands are going to do a lot of work."

She. Is. Amazing.

She is everything a Cree woman should be.

Beautiful.

Strong.

Forgiving.

Proud.

She has had many losses in her life. Many successes. And many babies in her arms. I have sat out on the porch with her, wrapped in blankets on a warm summer's evening, drinking tea and talking about the old days. She is so funny, loves to play cards, and will often change the rules to suit herself...and then tell you that YOU are changing the rules when you catch her cheating!

Ellis, just the other day, comes walking towards me taking these small, little, shuffling-along-steps, and I said, "Ellis, what are you doing?"

He said "I walking! Just like Gaga Killa!"

Gaga Killa. I love her.

I love sunsets.

I love the fact that they are always a beautiful ending to a long day. Sometimes a great day, sometimes and exhausting day...but somehow, a sunset is always perfect. And that day is better!

Lastly, but certainly not least.

My boys. My babies.

I heart them. Everything about them.

I love their giggles. Cries. Everything.

The following is a succession of a mere few of the many pictures I have taken. These are some of my favourites...